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don't watch me die

from specters by nostraightanswer

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about

this song is the all-important work about my thanatophobia, addressing it from a fictional deathbed. thanatophobia is also known as "death anxiety", and it happens to be my biggest, but potentially most empathetic, fear.

at least, i wish people empathized with it. i can't go one conversation about my thanatophobia without someone saying the lovely words, "but it's inevitable so you might as well accept it." like i didn't know that! thanatophobic attacks keep me wide awake at night. my personal observation of these attacks is that they are often self-actualizing loops, and taking control of my own situation is a crisis negotiation. the three words you should never say to anyone with thanatophobia, about thanatophobia, are "just accept it."

lyrics

was caught up in a mess
now i gotta confess
everything that's left in my chest, now

i gave it all my best
but i've still got regrets
i don't get a choice but to rest, now

and i've seen plenty of skies
told plenty of lies
met plenty of guys and gals and others besides

but i've dreamt of your eyes
tens of thousands of times
tears marking the line that i've been waiting to ride

and i got lots of questions in mind
and impressions of mine
dreams i've lost with the time, rewind

but i don't wanna miss your goodbyes
so if i'm set to leave tonight... tonight...

let the door slam shut like you've had enough
cuz i don't want you to catch me looking tough
no i don't want you to look me in the eyes
pleading with the skies, begging i survive, just stay alive

if this is the end of me, know
i don't want to see you cry, oh
if this is the end of me, just
don't watch me die, do- don't watch me die-die

been praying it's a test
a shot at second-best
coming clean to all of the rest, now

i never would've guessed
the feelings in my chest
would all come crashing down from the stress, now

and i've seen plenty of skies
told plenty of lies
met plenty of guys and gals and others besides

but i've dreamt of your eyes
tens of millions of times
tears marking the line that i've been waving goodbye

if i could have a chance to rewind
and make up for the time
i was wasting so blind, i'd try

to keep myself so plainly alive
but if i'm not to dream tonight...

let the door slam shut like you've had enough
cuz i don't want you to catch me looking tough
no i don't want you to look me in the eyes
pleading with the skies, begging i survive, just stay alive

if this is the end of me, know
i don't want to see you cry, oh
if this is the end of me, just
don't watch me die, do-don't watch me die-die

if this is the end of me, just
don't watch me die, do-don't watch me die

credits

from specters, released May 29, 2020
music, lyrics, vocal: nostraightanswer

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about

nostraightanswer Orlando, Florida

Freelance Electronic Musician by trade.
Vocal synth user by hobby.
Voice provider for Zero-G Ltd's VOCALOID4 Library, DEX. www.zero-g.co.uk/store/vocaloid4-dex-p544.php

Most well known for "Define Me". youtu.be/czHGGKr1aCQ

Notable for the quality of his VOCALOID tuning, particularly with English VOCALOID libraries, as well as musical and lyrical composition.
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